Can Abortion Be Justified?

Last night I dined with a friend. He’s the coordinator of one big international humanitarian NGO. We worked in a very different field, but somehow it is still connected.

Over wine, we got talking about the kinds of things we see in our places of work. On why expatriates like us are discouraged from being in insecure locations such as inside the settlement to spend the night, let alone live every day.

I said I would not do it. I am done with my cowboy days but I am sure young humanitarian actors will push their luck and try the adventure. But is it an adventure to live with the refugees if you represent oppression and reason for them being displaced? Maybe not, but that’s a story for another time.

On a more serious tone, our conversation gravitated on the subject of abortion. Since both of us work in the health sector, these are subjects we know are sensitive, and talked on hushed voices, and never blurted out in daylight, but we know it happens, and justified.

You see, without blaming anyone or any agency, we know that rape happens in the settlement or camps. People are in an insecure location and vulnerable situation, and many are just vultures taking advantage of the case, and the people they think are below them.

Imagine my surprise to hear that not only women are vulnerable in such a situation. In one week, he said they got report of men being raped but women out numbered them. Reports of defilement is available at police stations, but whether or not perpetrators are apprehended is hard to tell.

So, what he told me why they do it – abortion to victims of rape, made me think twice about why I am doing what I am doing here in Uganda. I even have to agree to disagree with him based on my faith.

That’s why abortion is hush-hush is because it’s the last resort. He said the best is still to have more robust policies on the protection of women and men against sexual exploitation and abuse, and stronger enforcement from the authorities. But when that system fails, there should be a support network that will catch these women victimized by their vulnerability, in a place where they thought they are protected but are not.

Being a victim is a hard pill to swallow. The psychological trauma it brings to the victim makes it hard for them to think straight. The fear of being discovered, labeled, and eventually ostracised in a community where you’re supposed to get your strength from to go on each day is tremendous.

What happens when the rape resulted in pregnancy?

That’s when another cycle of psychological trauma happens. Being pregnant from a rape always remind that person of what happened, of how she was not able to avoid it. Blame herself for bringing it to herself. The fight internally gets intense, making it hard for her to fight back, and often, the psychological trauma wins over the rational way of thinking, which can lead to many difficult decisions, including abortion and the worst suicide.

The mental health support system is as complicated as it can get. Not everybody understands what they are talking about, and when in such a complicated situation, often, the victims are left to fend for themselves. Making it hard for women to feel they had someone on their side. My friend told me that even he doesn’t like that program they have on abortion, but after seeing women getting into such a situation, he knew it has to be done. But he also told me that its the last resort when all support fails, and if they don’t do it, women will also find a crude way to get rid of the pregnancy that will also put their life further at risk.

So for us not to get there, as a humanitarian actor, we have a lot of responsibility for the people we serve.

First, when we design policy on protection and prevention of sexual violence and abuse, don’t let it on paper and pretend that action will magically materialize. No, it never does, that is why we should put weight on it and enforce it. We are making sure something or someone answers for the atrocities received in the hands of perpetrators.

Second, empower the support groups. Avoid the victim-blaming that often happens when rape is discovered. Nobody wants to be accosted and violated. Notably, no one should take advantage of a vulnerable situation to exert power over women and men.

Third, regardless of faith practices, we have to find solutions that best serve the many. I am not endorsing abortion. Like my friend, I am against it and will never advise it on anyone, but if all else fails, make sure that the solution identified will serve best the person and allowed to believe that s/he is not a victim but rather a survivor.

Fourth, as a person, we are our brothers and sisters keeper. We look out for each other and support each other by making sure that we all are equitable. God never wants harm to come our way, He wants us to live in harmony, but the world is crazy now. We become selfish and self-centered to the point of destruction.

The life where I live now is never easy. We make do of what we have, take advantage of the simple pleasures where it is merited. My friends here and I take our jobs seriously, that’s why our after-dinner subject was something that resonated in my head long after the wine wears off.

The road we travel to reach our workplace

Being Thankful

How much do you appreciate every day?

We live day in, day out.

We toil, we adapt, we adjust to make the most of our life.

We do what we love, we pour out our passion. We try to be happy. We make others happy.

Does that make your day?

It does for me. With my kind of work, you have to believe me when I say I am thankful every day…

in the morning …

for the peaceful and restful sleep …

for the new day …

and for my daily struggles.

I met people in a far worst situation than me. I’ve been to places where luxury is a dream. I’ve been around love from nothing and love that is waiting for nothing in return.

That is why even in my current circumstances. I am grateful every day.

As you already know I am still in the process of healing. My foot and leg have not fully recovered but I am getting there.

I am waiting for it to take its natural course, it means I still have to keep on going as today reminds me of the accident I had at the beginning of the year.

Happy Easter

Before anything else, I like to greet everyone Happy Easter!

In the Catholic faith, this is one of the traditions we celebrate like Christmas, as this is the time when Jesus with his short life was able to give us God’s promise of redemption from all my sins.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:!6

Well, it can be redemptions of your sins or our sins it doesn’t matter as long as you believe that God fulfilled his promise to give us new slate to start over. but then again if you don’t believe in God, that’s up to you, but pretty sure you believe in second chances or an opportunity to start over and for me this is it.

I do this every year, I look back and see how I could be a better person and try hard to outrank how I assessed myself and achieve the happy life I like to live. I made mistakes in the past, now I have time to correct them and try harder not to repeat the same mistakes.

Believe me, when I say I am like everybody else, I am human, prone to make mistakes (reminds you of a song eh?) and to succumb to temptation (making it sound like I have superhuman powers, I have to stop watching Marvel movies!).

In fact, this year started not so right for me. I have to cut my contract short because I have to return to my family to be taken care of. I don’t know when I can go back to work now that I have to start over.

What is important to me now is to keep myself current and be motivated enough to keep me out of bed, psyching myself even though it’s hard not knowing for certain what the future holds. But like I said, we all deserve second chances, I deserve a second chance and this Easter Sunday, I intend to take advantage of that and renew my life.

This blog may be my way out, at least as a catharsis for now but who knows. Social media has been an outlet, I think I’ve used it more than I should but still I want to keep sharing a little bit of me!