I went to bed happy.

The last thing I did was publish my last post and turned off the lights. I guess I was tired because most nights I don’t sleep before the witching hour of 3 am the following day so sleeping before midnight was a real treat! But whatever time I went to la la land I always wake up the same time, before the rooster even which tells me I must be getting old 😄. Who cares anyway? Definitely not me!

Anyway, fully awake now I checked my phone and saw the little WordPress, WhatsApp and Facebook icon giving notice that people actually read my post. Well the WhatsApp message was something else but I am pleased with who I saw, and read and I liked them. Especially in Facebook because these are people that I personally know and knows me back.

The first three women who liked my FB post are the three women that I admire myself.

We encountered life and work together and actually a fourth even reached out to me privately when I posted my poem Falling In The Cracks. She offered to listen but all I could reply was “Thanks Amel” because I know even without telling she knows what I am feeling.

Then I saw this quote fitting tribute to the friends I made over the years.

It is not really the number of friend you have that matters its the quality and the bonds you made together.

It doesn’t matter how often you see or talk to each other its the feeling that you know they are there no matter what.

There is always that invisible tie that binds friends together and its truly great to know that the binds are made of gold thread that is priceless like that of families.

Shout out to my friends 🔊 You know who you are!

Lets to friendship! Even virtually

Am I Lucky at 7?

I’m at my ortho doctor’s clinic waiting for him to arrive for my first appointment and maybe my last during this month – the fourth month since my accident.

I came home after I was released by my attending orthopaedic doctor from La Marsa private hospital. I stayed a week after my surgery. And anticipating my need for full time care my organisation, and I decided to evacuate me back here. One week after being hospitalised I was cleared to travel with so much precaution, and class except I cannot enjoy the perks of a business class traveller when you’re nursing a cast leg and in blood thinners especially if your airline has good wine selections 🍾🍷🍹

So arriving after travelling 10,000 kilometres for 24 hours the reality of being disabled was sinking in. The local representatives of my insurance were in my case and scheduled me at the end of the week for a consult. The paranoid in me felt that I need to see the doctor immediately. Complaining of pain and thinking that my toes were turning blue. So instead of Saturday, I went to the emergency room three days prior only to be told my blood circulation was healthy and my pain was nothing to be worried about. My doctor just looked at my leg inspected the sutures and gush at how meticulously it was done and prescribed iron supplement and removed the blood thinner drugs. Then I was sent home. Uneventful 😄.

From then to now I wonder what will be the news … I am feeling lucky at my 7th visit to my doctor … that is if he arrives.

I am patiently waiting ⏳

My Road to Recovery Is Bumpy, Now that I Am Thinking of It

“Walk on your own yellow brick road. If you can’t find one, spray paint your way into happiness. If that doesn’t work, buy yellow shoes.”
Sadiqua Hamdan, Happy Am I. Holy Am I. Healthy Am I.

Entering the fourth month of my recovery means that I am almost there. In fact, according to the textbook, I am past the 3-month bone healing process, I should be on my way to walking independently until fully recovered

My last radiographic imaging showed that my bones were healing well. They were aligned perfectly, and my doctor gave me very positive commendation on how much progress I am making. He might just see me once a month instead of two, and that is a good sign, right?

When I say fully recovered means, more flexibility in my left ankle and no more swelling. But I still have both, and yesterday when I attended my therapy session it made me appreciate more the small changes I observed in me.

In the last months, I suffered what you will call “psychological breakdown.” Nothing serious where I need to seek professional help, I guess living with my family helps breaks my downward plunge but then if I am alone I am not able to do anything productive except maybe read a lot of books and start this blog.

It happened when I thought I made a mistake in my attempt to recover early. I told you I am my own worst patient, and I didn’t follow my own prescription and pushed myself too much. When I was not entirely satisfied with my therapy sessions, not getting good results, I increased my home treatment.

20180316_174906201848074.jpg

One day I started to feel pain when stepping on my left foot and attempted walking. I thought I was just tired and iced it. It didn’t improve with ice and rest, and even when I put on my aircast, I still felt pain when I put my foot down. Got more worried when I was not able to do proper gait training during my therapy session because of illness. I reported to my doctor, anticipating I made my situation worse and all knowledge and reasons I know are thrown out of the window!

No, it was brought on by me still walking on partial weight-bearing, and my forefoot and longitudinal arch are tight. All my doctor did was stretch it, it was painful, but it helped as if I didn’t have pain after all.

With that painful episode, it became a trigger for me to be getting down and worried, thinking about how pathetic my life is and replaying how I came to be in this situation. I noticed a trigger … the thought of work, of some name or words related to my life before the accident triggered these melancholic episodes that made me dive in and swim in “self-pity.” I wrote about it in my other blog Bouts of frustrations, boredom and a little bit of self-pity

So what now?

I am trying to crawl back out. To get back into looking at what I needed to do and finish what needs to be done soon.

My spirit actually lifted because of 4 degrees increased in my dorsiflexion. It means that I have 6 more degrees to go to reach the full range of 20. That motivates me to be more positive and do more careful exercises at home not that I also decreased my therapy sessions. I am trying again to be the good patient as I could be.

Additionally, I decided its time to be functionally independent in self-care. It means I am doing it alone overcoming the fear of slipping again and planning on my new shower routine without breaking my bones. That’s for another blog.😉

Falling in the Cracks

I thought I could resist.

Falling through the cracks.

But the loneliness,

The boredom,

Is getting to me.

I may look fine on the outside,

But inside I struggle

To fend off this feeling

Because I know I am better than this,

But I still am falling

In the trap.

I will continue to fight it off

It is not what defines me.

Thinking that one day

I am back to my old self

Once I crawl back out of the cracks.

Daily Prompt: Thwart