My Dear Mental Health,

I am finally alone in the guest house.

No more housemate for me until the new recruits start coming again. So I’ll take advantage of my “me time” while trying to catch up with all my backlogs.

You see the being alone thing comes with big responsibility that I didn’t ask for. But sort of like dropped on my lap like a hot potato. The difference is I cannot throw the potato on another person lap because there’s no one else there.

You must be wondering what I am blabbering about. Well, for contexts I will tell you about my week.

For a long time, the mission is struggling to find solutions to make work easy for the program. First the support team is supposed to do that but something must be blocking them from doing a smooth job despite all the necessary supports provided.

So before the holidays, the boss finally accepted that the problem is not the lack of capacity, the problem is the lack of integrity of the people themselves. I will not go into so much into detail because I may land my ass in jail for libel or worst I’ll be sent home for this blog.

Fast forward to last week, the person handling the case ended his mission and he had no one else to hand over some of his responsibility to but me. The last one standing in the base out of three. Well actually I knew they will leave before me, I signed a 12-month contract and theirs was just a quarter of that.

The first one left two weeks prior and it was just as good as being alone but that’s for another letter.

So I grew another head to put a hat on and start to do some base management. Which I never did before because I am a field person — I like to be out in the sun and shuffling from location to location visiting people.

That was the first head, the original head until I arrived here. I was told to do project management at the same time. So the second head grew almost immediately until I hand it over the person we selected last week. I hope she checks out well and I’ll be on my merry technical way.

So back to the original thread of the story.

Suddenly I was tasked to handle sensitive documents which were for the naive of me didn’t think much of it. But when the document was not well received and signed by the person I used to work with I was confused with the reaction of the higher being that be.

First, it was not my job to handle such a sensitive document when dealing with staffs. Two there was no anticipation on the part of the person responsible and of course if she hasn’t thought of it how will I know it, I am not in Human Resources for a reason. And the lady has the balls to confirm what I already know that I was tricked – a crook, is a crook, is a crook, that’s all the explanation I needed to make me feel good.

The worst is not that. The person I though supports my debacle further drilled in my incompetence, and a third person did the same. Made me think … are they kidding me? Because it felt like I am the only one who doesn’t know what to do in a situation like that.

I cried a little. Self-pity crept in. And I am ready to throw in the towel because it was clear I cannot do someone else’s job.

Then I am angry. The woman which I thought has balls actually has none. The boss whose always siding with her may also have less of it and the third one is as clueless as me.

I decided to keep the third head realizing that after talking to a very dear friend. There is no one who can do this here and I am ready to take it on until the new person arrives. It will be a lot of work for me, but I am not new to hard work and dealing with complicated people.

After a good night sleep, I am good.

Today is another day. For the whole morning now I am still trying to find my motivation to open my work computer and get something done, cutting down my backlogs and start fresh on Monday.

Until the next letter. Looking forward to your reply.

Ciao,

Dee

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